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I dont love the mother of kids


as salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh I am from Afghanistan 32 and my wife is 32 too. We have four kids and live in Germany for 5 years. She is the daughter of my paternal aunt. My parents directly intervened in my marriage. Basically they forced me to marry her because they promised the aunt to give her daughter to my marriage even on that time I wasn’t young. First I didn’t believe and refused my parents command but the tension got to that point that my mom attempted to throw herself in well and or eat poison. When I saw that nightmare I was ready to scarify my life. Finally, they planned wedding and I married her. But since that time I don’t love my cousin yet she loves me. Firstly my parents thought I don’t want to love her but now they realized that my heart empty of love for her. My parents are now very regret and remorseful what they had done. Now the problem is I don’t have a stable behavior. I am relatively sometimes happy and sometimes depressed. Especially when I hear someone got married it reminds my past and i become sad for several days. I don’t like to look to her face or body. If i look I become more unhappy she is also illiterate. I don’t like to go with her anywhere but even if I go I do not enjoy being accompanied by her. Whereas, she is a virtue woman. Yet I am very kind to her I cannot bear her tears. I feel I am an average Muslim, I pray 5 times a day, read Quran and listen to the preaches of famous scholars. I also study a master program at a German university. However, when I see a good looking woman on the street I my sexual desire arises to that extent would love to catch her in a minute like a predator but only my belief and shyness don’t allow me to do so. Sometimes I pray to Allah to put some love in my heart for her to have both a joyful life but… Can be that a powerful test from Allah to me? If I don’t commit adultery and be patient will Allah reward me? Will I be answerable to Allah because I don’t love her and cannot do to her what a romantic husband doesn’t her wife? What is your advice for me? May Allah bless you here and in the hereafter.


Salamun Alaykum

You have to see matters from her angle also. Your behaviour would be making her unhappy as well.

The best thing you can do is to try to get to know your wife and make a fulfilling life with her.

Looking at other women and adultery is haram and brings misery in Dunya and Akhira.

On the other hand if you have belief and trust in God, He will certainly make your way easier.

Kind regards

Abbas Jaffer