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I am married man and I have a kid and also I have an extra martial affair with a women

Q:

I am married man and I have a kid and also I have an extra martial affair with a women. I want to marry her as well,  we both got intimated last year and we both are not able to gain courage to get married as she fears to loose her dear ones, How can  we  take any step furthur, Please help me on this.

A:

Salamun Alaykum

Thank you for your query.

First of all, it is haram if you are having any sort of relation with a non-mahram.

According to Ayatullah al-Udhma Sayyid Ali Sistany:

Question: Is it permissible to chat with girls on the internet?

Answer: If it is feared that they might be drawn towards sin, it is not permissible. Normally chatting ends up in a sin for both sides.

Question: Can I be in a friendly relationship with a girl in my class.

Answer: All kinds of relations with a non-mahram including joking, expressing mutual love, talking with the intention of deriving pleasure, looking at the body of a girl (except her face and hands up to the wrists) and at her hair or looking at her face with pleasure are Haram (forbidden). In fact, if it is feared that they might fall into a sin, it is forbidden for them to have any kind of relationship with each other.

https://www.sistani.org/english/qa/01151/

Secondly, what I understand from your question is that at this stage you are responsible for your wife and kid and not have an extra-marital relationship that would destroy your relationship with your wife and tarnish her relation with her parents.

Thirdly, as you mentioned you both are not able to gain courage, it is because you are being unfair to your wife and she may be hiding from her parents.

According to the Shia school of thought, the unmarried girl needs the consent of her father for marriage (if she is a virgin).

You should focus on your family first and if you think you are fair with them then you can go for the second one if you are being Just with both of them. Usually in these cases, the husband either leaves the first wife and goes with the second wife or doesn’t give the right of his first wife, which is unjust according to Islam. Therefore, think before you move on with the Haram relationship as speaking with lust and joking with a non-mahram is considered Haram.

May Allah(swt) grant you success

Wassalam,

Syed Haider