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I am a teenager, I want to marry someone older than me…..


Salaam, I hope you are doing well. you’re a really a good speaker and one of my favorites and I don’t know if I’ll able to get a response from you or not. what I’m going to ask is going to be really ridiculous maybe to you as I am very young. I am 16 years old, and as a teenager I got caught up with trends and things. I fell in love with this girl, she’s amazing Mash’Allah. She’s older than me by a year. We both regret being in this haram relationship. She comes from a culture where girls usually get engaged early. Her parents are wanting to get her engaged because it is their culture. I do love this girl and I myself would ask for her hand but I feel like I’m too young. I asked her if I can ask her for, she replied saying I would not even considered by her parents because I am still young. it’s really heartbreaking and really sad for me especially, I feel like this is a punishment from Allah swt. If she gets engaged, and I couldn’t do anything about it I will be devastated. I truly do love this girl and I want to make things halal and not be in a haram relationship, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to make this halal or not because of my age. What should I do? I know this sounds very ridiculous because I’m very young, but mufti saab I am really serious and I don’t know what to do except pray to Allah swt. please help me or advise me. JazakAllah Khayr.


Waalaykum al-Salam

Thank you for your question.

It is important to know that any relation with a non-Mahram is haram. And your relation with this girl is haram and Allah (az) does not recognize it.

To mend this, I will strongly suggest that you seek help from your elders and probably you can ask her for marriage (via families). Maybe you can get promised (and in the meantime, before marriage, at least get your Mutah recited so that you’re mahram to one another).

Above is the best Islamic way to tackle this. However, taking your age and inexperience in life, it will not be recommended to get into a marriage commitment at the moment.

Marriage is a holy knot, where a man and woman come together and commit to give their best to run a united life. This commitment has ups and downs, sweet and bitter days, and many other responsibilities…

At a tender age, like yours, thought of marriage is more related to physical attraction and infatuation. While, this is a very holy feeling and an important one, it does not suffice to have a successful marriage.

I will suggest, you let the situation be if nothing works after you seek help from your elders. If it is meant for you, it will not go anywhere else. And if it doesn’t work out in the end, it was never mean to.

The best stance to have at this point is to make dua that Allah blesses you both with the best.