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Should the husband forgive his wife On having affairs


Salam Sheikh,

Someone I know has a marrage problem and would like advise on what islam says about this.

My friend has been married for the last 16 years and in the last 16 years his wife has had 3 affairs the husband has forgiven her 3 times. The forth time the wife left the house for the third guy, leaving her 3 kids with the husband, It now hasn’t worked out for her and now she wants to come back to her husband saying that she has realised that she has done wrong all this time and is asking allah for forgiveness. She said to her husband that this will not happen again and she is disgusted on what she did. She said she is repenting to Allah to forgive her. She also told her husband that she wants to Umra or Hajj, together with her husband, kids and start fresh.

The first time he caught his wife was in the phone to another guy. Whe he asked her did you comment zina with this man she said no. He forgave her.

The second time the wife went to a guys house, she said no zina was committed although she did someone some photos tho the other guy with just a bra and pants on. He forgave her

The third time the husband caught her in a car with a guy she said no zina done.

The forth time the wife was still seeing the guy that she was caught with the third time. She had a secound phone which she was hiding. The husband found the phone with messages that they have done everything like even zina. She said she didnt comment zina with him but they did kiss and touch each other.

They do have 3 children together and the husband is confused on what to do should he give her a fourth chance as she has now realised her ways and he does truly belive that she will never do anything like this again.

The husband’s family and mother doesnt want to know her and is telling him that she will not change and if you get back with her we dont want to know you aswell. He doesnt want to disrespect his mother.

The husband did show the messages to the 2 older boys as he thought she will not come back. I know this is wrong but he did. The younger boy is seeing the mum with the little sister but the older 14 year old boy doenst want to see her.

What does islam say about this. Should the husband fogive her for the last time as the wife has realised what she has been doing is wrong and is asking Allah forgiveness and she is regretting everything. The husband wants to forgive her as he knows this time she means it and she will change. He also wants to do it for his kids. The husband believes that people do change and Allah does guide the miss guided and if they feel disgusted and ashamed and sincerely apologies and repents and asking Allah for forgiveness and says that she will never ever do these things again.

What should he do please what does Islam say about this and what do you think. can you help

Thank you in advance.


Salaamun alaykum
Thank you for your email.

I have to say your friend is the only one who can make the best decision for his life, after taking all aspects into consideration and then making the most sensible decision.
The thing to keep in mind is that we are all humanbeings and can make mistakes, but once we realise our mistake, we should not repeat it. As for your friend’s wife, if she is sincerely regretting her actions, he can try giving her another chance, atleast for the sake of his children.
He should analyse his situation and see the pros and cons and then take a decision. He should see:
-the effect his decision will have on the kids
-how his behaviour will be with his wife if he forgave her (meaning if she has sincerely repented then he should be able to not look down upon her for her past mistakes and forgive her wholeheartedly like when Allah (swt) forgives our mistakes, he completely wipes them off our deeds.)
-his own behaviour and actions, one of the reasons that his wife MIGHT be having relations with other men, is that the husband might not be fulfilling her rights properly, so she went looking for it outside. I am not at all defending her actions but if there was any neglection from his part, he can try and change himself and that might help their relationship.

The end decision is his because he knows his life better than anyone else and he can judge best. He just has to make sure he makes a rational decision. And through all this, he should pray to Allah (swt) sincerely and ask Him to help him through this difficult time and help him make a decision which is good for him and his family in this world and the hereafter.

Zahra Davdani.