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How to truely repent for a sin.

Q:

I am 41 years old married with one daughter.

In the past I had committed mistake by indulging in illegal sex but than stopped. Again at times I went to parlour and took body massage from a woman and also she did blow job. Also I had masterbated many times and now stopped completely.

I begged to allah to forgive me for all such sins and stopped completely but in the recent times my wife was not much interested in sex so out of frustration went again to parlour and took body massage from a women and a blow job to relax my sexual desire.

But I am feeling guilty now and so many times I have prayed to allah to forgive my sins but again couldn’t stop myself and committed a sin.

Now I want to repent finally and have promised with full confidence that I will not repeat any such sin

Please advise how to clean my sins

A:

Sorry to hear about the situation you are in and pleased to hear that you
wish to finally and eternally repent from such actions.  It is important to
know that Allahï·» loves the repenters and those who purify themselves.  His
Mercy is limitless and beyond our understanding.  However, our repentance
needs to be up to standard in order to be able to be potential candidates
for that Mercy.

Your frustration is not likely to go away.  Man was created with these
desires.  Biologically, this build up over a period of time at some point,
as you described, needs to “relax your sexual desire” or seek relief
somehow.  The answer it to do so with in the limitations that Allahï·» has
set for us.  He knows best.

You are married, and marriage protects you, or should protect you, from
illegitimate desires.  There are many narrations to indicate the importance
of marriage and it completing half your marriage, the prayers of a married
person are so much more valuable than one who is not etc.

*Your number one priority is to repent to Allahï·». * Please read such
articles as http://www.duas.org/repentance.htm
And recite the supplication 31 from Imam Sajjad peace be upon him, in
Sahiffa Sajjadia.  You can find it here along with others:
http://www.duas.org/seekforg.htm

*Your number one priority (there are three number one priorities!!): Is
your wife.*  There are many reasons why she may no longer be interested,
psychological, medical, environmental, stress of life, biological etc etc
However there are somethings that you can do to help.  Make sure you spend
time with her, loving her physically (not sexually, but physically, such as
looking at her lovingly, smiling at her, sweet talking with her etc),
gifting her gifts daily (albeit small, women like to be gifted constantly,
not necessarily expensively, but constantly).

Look after your wife.  Your wife will look after you.  The time you
*invest* in
your wife will be an investment that will pay off in this world (your
marriage and family, for example) and in the hereafter (acceptance of your
repentance, Insha-Allahï·»).

*Your final priority is your daughter.  * Your are her role model.  And you
need to consider that your actions may set the norms for her future family
life also.  However you treat your wife, could well set precedents with how
your daughter is treated.  May your family be protected from all evils,
from man and jin.

And may Allahï·» forgive the believing men and women, for “Truly, God loves
those who repent, and He loves those who cleanse themselves.” (2:222).

Insha-Allah this helps and really do pray for you and the family.

S.L . Al-Hakim