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Lack Of Love For Children


Aslam o alikum, i m from USA.

my question is that i have three kids. I sometimes feel that i donot have that much love for my kids as a mother should have. I sometimes scold them very badly n especially my elder one . He is 8 years old. When ever he does not listen to me i start scolding him n he is also not enjoying everyday life activities with me. The thing i wana say is that at first i did not have any anger in me. But with the passage of time i feel that my anger is increasing every day. I feel very bad for this. I try to overcome this very much but i donot know every time i try i coulld’t do it. Sometimes even i feel that my heart has gone to stone where there is no love for anyone.

Kindly plz help me i m like fed up of all this . I want to live a normal n happy life. I want to feel love for ALLAH in my heart. But i donot know how can i gain it.

Kindly reply me soon. Thanks. Allah hafiz.


Alaykum salaam sister

Thank you for your question.

Anger is never a solution to any problem and it is one of those things that destroys all that is good within. It is natural to feel anger in a situation but the question is how you deal with your anger both in your actions and internally. Outwardly a person should not act in anger and inwardly they have to learn to let go of that thing which is causing the anger.

Children are a test. They are little humans with their own wills and not enough intellect to guide their strong opinions and emotions. That is why sometimes they can push their parents to limits that they would never have experienced through any other relationship. At the same time, they are dependant on their parents until they grow up and it is the parents that teach them how to be good adults. But that is through understanding the different stages that they are going through and helping them to deal with that as children. Not expecting them to be adults before their time. A child that always listens to everything their parent says is not a healthy child. Children that have no will of their own grow up to be doormats for all to trod on. So parenting is like a hobby or activity. Actually it is more like a full time job but one you can learn to enjoy rather than resent. The more you enjoy bringing up a new life the more rewarding you will find what you do. At the same time, if you are always angry with your children you are teaching them to always be angry and this will not get them far in life and will also make your life miserable later when they stop listening to your rants and have anger episodes of their own. At the teenage stage it will be too late for you to control. Instead look into methods of positive parenting. There is plenty of literature available and groups where people share their own experiences with their children. You will find that you are probably not as bad a mother as you think and that there are many people that share the same issues. It takes time to get used to being a mother and you will know you have become used to it when you are able to take everything your children can possibly throw at you in your stride and still have you intellect guiding your interactions with them. As for the lack of love it is probably because the issues of anger and frustration are depriving you of enjoying your children and seeing the natural beauty of an innocent child learning about life. If you step back for a minute and look within i am sure you will realise that you really do love your children and it is only to make some improvements before you are living the life you want.

The love of Allah is through building your iman through knowledge and action. To love Allah is also a natural part of humanity but it is to find your humanity which is through self purification and reflection.

May Allah make you very successful and may he grant you a beautiful life with the most excellent of children that will be an adornment for you in this world and the next.

‘Abd Allah Esmail