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How to deal with My brother


Assalamo alekum

I live with my parents, younger brother , my wife and 2 children. My brother’s engagement has already broken with a cousin a year ago as she denied to marry him. Now my mother tried to see for another cousin for my brother,  which he denied. A lot of pressure has been put on him to marry the other cousin but he did not agree. My mother then searched for him a lot of proposals but due to one  or the other reason she (my mother)  denied them later. Now she is looking for a girl who is working and she is very desperate to marry my brother to her. From the beginning we were taught that it is always better that a girl should manage her house after marriage and her husband should earn and take care for all spending. My brother earns a very handsome salary and I think it is not an Islamic way to send wife to earn as she has to deal with a a lot of namahrams. I have already argued a number of times with my Mother on this issue,  but she seems very rigid on this and not taking the decision back. She gave logic that sometimes I did not read quran and namaz with punctuality so now I do not have the right to say this. I know that if money is already coming in a good amount then why inviting fitnah. Today also she harshly argued with me and wept a lot. I do not want to hurt her and make her cry on such situation, let me know how to handle this situation.


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

Men can marry without the consent of mother but at the same time we should remember that there shouldn’t be no disrespect shown to the mother

If your brother doesn’t like the girl then he must talk to your mother very politely and respectfully and say that he doesn’t want or like this girl.

If your mother is unreasonably upset, he is not guilty and does not need to obey. For sons, marriage is in one’s own hands and there is no need to obey one’s mother but I will emphasize again that there shouldn’t be any sort of  disrespect or arguments with the mother.

Whether he wants his wife to work or not is up to him. In Muslim culture, there is no problem for women to work provided that no sin is committed and there is no ground for sin.
Therefore, these are two separate issues. One is to obey the mother in matters of marriage and one is working as a woman

This also depends on the understanding of the husband and wife. As wife must obey the husband but with the mutual understanding and the consent of the husband, the wife can work as working is not haram provided the lady doesn’t fall in sins as mentioned above.

Even though mother’s consent is not a condition for the son’s marriage to be valid, but the Duas and prayers of the mother and parents are necessary for happiness and a prosperous life. Give a lot of respect to your mother and love her to gain her trust and eventually decide on one thing.

In all this scenario it is not Wajib on you to do anything,  which also make your mother angry, but with the respect and love the things should be discussed and later decided.
It looks like you have done your part and explained well. Let your brother, who is the actual concerned party, take on from here.

Allaho A’alam

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider