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How to deal with abusive relatives?

Q:

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am a guy in my late-20’s. I never took religion seriously until 2015. After that, I started to pray and gave up as many bad things as I could. I am trying to be a better Muslim to the best of my ability.

However, there is one obstacle that I am dealing with for many years. That is, relationship with some of my relatives. They spread misinformation about me and generally treat me and my parents real badly. It has gotten to a point where I am suffering from enormous stress and it is affecting my health and mind. If things continue like this, I may end up with a serious mental condition.

What does Islam say about dealing with poisonous relatives? Am I allowed to cut them off, if things go really bad? I am seriously struggling to live a good life due to malicious slanders and insults.

Thanks for your time.

A:

Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question.
I appreciate that you have been fulfilling your Islamic duties since 2015.

Islam encourages people to have good connections with their relatives. But if there are relatives who deal in a way that problems are created within the family then one can reduce the relationship but cannot totally cut off. Having relationship doesn’t mean you have to go and meet them every time. After few weeks or a month or after a period of time you can call or send them a message by asking how they are doing and that will be counted as Silatur Rahim. Therefore, you can have a strong connection within your family i.e your parents and siblings and with others those who affect your lives and relationships, you can reduce them to stay safe.

I will mention some from the link given below where Ayatullah al-Udhma Sayyid Ali Sistany says:

Maintaining ties with one’s relations (silatur rahim) is obligatory upon Muslims, and severing those ties (qat‘ur rahim) is one of the major sins. Since maintaining the ties is obligatory and severing them is a major sin for which Allah has threatened Hell-fire, the need for maintaining the ties becomes more important in foreign lands; and observing this obligation takes greater priority in countries where relations are few, families break up, religious bonds erode, and material values rule supreme.

It also says on the same page:

Probably the least of deeds that a Muslim can do (within the realm of possibility and ease) in order to maintain the ties with his relations is to visit them and meet them; or to inquire about their well being by enquiring even from far [via telephone, etc].

www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2056

On the other hand, pray five times a day, recite Quran everyday with translation of some of the verses, send Salawat on the Prophet (saww) in plenty and ask Allah(swt) to help you in this matter and have Tawassul and stronger connection with the Ahlul Bayt(as): www.al-islam.org/shiite-encyclopedia/who-are-ahlul-bayt-part-1

May Allah(swt) grant you success

Wassalam,

Syed Haider