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Salam, I have been married for three months, and during those three months I have encountered several divorce threats from my in laws and my husband. This is for reasons such as talking to my parents in a nice manner and not shouting at them, and for not sitting with my in-laws despite them being negative about my family and backbiting them. During this time I was expectant and miscarried. Therefore, I have received divorce threats whilst in this condition. Thus, I refused to return as I was removed from the home and threatened with divorce. I returned to my own home and then I received a written letter in English with confirmation that my husband is in his senses and he wants a divorce from me with his signature in the presence of three witnesses. I was then also informed that the talaq recital will occur. I don’t know if this has happened or not, however the boys family have said it has-but I do not know if they are telling the truth. Do I need to obtain confirmation that the talaq recital has occured? Also, after how long will I be ‘free’, as I know there is an iddah period? My spouse has tried to contact me during this period, saying mean and hateful things and I have avoided contact. His family is also spreading very mean lies about me, in order to ‘ruin’ me. Evidently this is making me very upset. I have my haq mahr, and apart from that only a ring and phone which was purchased by them. They are now asking for that back and I am willing to return it. Is it my fault that my marriage did not work out? I feel like I am being punished for my past sins, and I cannot help but feel isolated and detached from my imaan. Can you advise me? Thank you in advance


Salam Alaykum,

Here are some rulings according to the Islamic Laws of Syed Sistani to keep in mind, to confirm the validity of the divorce that has allegedly taken place: (It is important to read the information below well, and then apply the ruling to the situation accordingly)

Ruling 2508: It is necessary that at the time of divorce, wife is Pak from Haidth and Nifas, and that the husband should not have had sexual intercourse with her during that period.

Ruling 2509: It is valid to divorce a woman even if she is in Haidh or Nifas in the following circumstances: If the husband has not had sexual intercourse with her after marriage. If it is known that she is pregnant. And if this fact is not known and the husband divorces her during Haidh, and he comes to know later that she was pregnant, that divorce will be valid, and as a recommended precaution he should divorce her again. If due to the husband’s absence or imprisonment, he is not able to ascertain whether or not she is Pak from Haidth or Nifas. But in this case, as an obligatory precaution, man must wait for at least one month after separation from his wife and then divorce.

Ruling 2510: If a man thinks that his wife is Pak from Haidh and divorces her, but it transpires later that at the time of divorce she was in the state of Haidh, the divorce is void. And if he thinks that she is in the state of Haidh and divorces her, and it is later known that she was Pak, the divorce is in order.

Ruling 2512: If a man who is separated from his wife wishes to divorce her and can acquire information as to whether or not she is in the state of Haidh or Nifas, even if that information is based on her habit, or any other signs known in Shariah, if he divorces her and later finds out that his information was wrong, the divorce will be void.

Ruling 2517: It is necessary that the formula of divorce is pronounced in correct Arabic using the word “Taliq”; and two just (‘Adil) persons should hear it. If the husband wishes to pronounce the formula of divorce himself and his wife’s name is, for example, Fatima, he should say: Zawjati Fatima taliq (i.e. my wife Fatima is divorced) and if he appoints another person as his Wakil to pronounce the formula of divorce, the Wakil should say: Zawjatu muwakkili Fatima taliq (Fatima, the wife of my client is divorced). And if the woman is identified, it is not necessary to mention her name. And if the husband cannot pronounce divorce in Arabic, or cannot find a Wakil to do so, he can divorce in any language using the words of the same meaning as in Arabic formula.

Laws on Iddah can be found here:

In Surah al-Talaq, verse 1 and 2, Allah SWT says:

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful O Prophet (SAW)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah (prescribed periods), and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods[] ). And fear Allâh your Lord (O Muslims), And turn them not out of their (husband’s) homes, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of Allâh. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allâh, then indeed he has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not, it may be that Allâh will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return her back to you if that was the first or second divorce). (1)

Then when they are about to attain their term appointed, either take them back in a good manner or part with them in a good manner. And take as witness two just persons from among you (Muslims). And establish the testimony for Allâh. That will be an admonition given to him who believes in Allâh and the Last Day. And whosoever fears Allâh and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). (2)

From the two verses, we learn a few things (from Tafseer Noor):

1. A marriage does not have any restrictions of time, but a Talaq (divorce) can only take place when the Iddah is possible, i.e, when the woman is not in her monthly period, nor has engaged in any sexual relations after the end of the monthly period.

2. The divorce and separation must be with Piety, which both the husband and the wife have to maintain.

3. The Talaq must not be in an insulting manner towards the woman, nor with humiliation and dignity towards her.

4. The divorced woman must not see divorce as the end of the road; she must stay in her home for three months, leaving the possibility of her husband returning to her.

5. The woman must not be apprehensive or upset at the ruling of staying at home for the three months, since it it Allah, the All-Wise who has willed it so.

6. Neglecting and ignoring the boundaries set by Allah, is oppressing oneself, not Allah.

7. Maintain piety and the boundaries of God, and rely on Him for your future.

Islam advises man to “release her with kindness” (Baqarah v229).

It is also very important to note that, if the divorce has taken place as claimed by him, it has to be in the presence of two “Aadil” or Just individuals; individuals who are God-conscious and pious, and not biased towards anyone.


Irfan D