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How do I fix myself,after all these sins I have committed.


assalamoalaikum sir/ma’am

I am in a great worry and I cannot bear to live. I have done the worst I could. I gave myself to someone. But only when I thought marriage was next, but then it didn’t happen but I still continued with him because I felt worthless. when he left, I did similar but not all with other(s). I felt worthless because islam was at my core, what made me who I am and I did the worst I could’ve. I feel worthless. please. I need saving. I need to be saved. Please. I beg you. I need a way to know My dear Allah will forgive me. please guide me. I pray as much as possible and listen to the quran along with reciting some duas for myself. But every time he comes back, I do it again just hoping that maybe it will make him stay because iIslamically, the only way to repent is to get married but what about the other(s)? What do I do? I will follow anything and everything to fix me. I’ve also started dressing more modestly and trying to improve everyday. In my heart, I want marriage with him but in a very halal way and I don’t want to be so out of control. This is terrible. if I were God, I’d send myself straight to hell. I’d kill myself . Please, I need to know if I can even be saved. My Lord is ever forgiving but I need to know. How do I fix me? HOW DO I FIX ME?

Please answer soon and may God bless us all and save us from all of what I’ve done.


Assalamu Alaykum dear sister.

Thank you for your question

Allah is the most kind and forgiving. He says in the holy Quran (sura Zumar:53):

 قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ


Say [that Allah declares,] ‘O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed Allah will forgive all sins. Indeed, He is the All-forgiving, the All-merciful.

Therefore, do not worry sister. As long as you repent sincerely, Allah will no doubt forgive you.

When I say repent, repentance has some conditions:

1-To remorse over the past.

2-The resolution not to return to it ever.

3-To return to creatures their (formerly usurped) rights so that you meet God Almighty in a state of purity in which no one has any claim against you.

That you fulfill every duty that you neglected in order to satisfy your obligation in respect to it.

4-That you attend to the flesh of your body that has grown on unlawful nourishment so that it melts away as a result of grief and mourning and your skin adheres to your bones, after which new flesh grows in its place.

5-That you make your body taste the pain of obedience in the same way as it earlier tasted the pleasure of sins. When you have done these things then say Astaghfirul­lah!  [Nahj al‑Balagha, saying 417]

I feel sad to learn that this man is misusing you and you’re letting him do so. First and foremost thing would be to completely cut ties with him (or anyone else). Even if it means to physically change your address, phone numbers and or any other contact details. This will help you stay focused and safe.

While you’re at it, concentrate on doing the above. Seek counseling and try and keep company with people who can actually teach you something in life.

Let not anyone’s words, gestures, body language bother you. Once you’re accepted by Allah (az) you need not worry about anything or anyone else.

Before I conclude, I would like to suggest, once you have gone on the path of self mending, make sure you find a companion to do so together. Get married to a man of good character and together you will prosper to heights you are yearning for at the moment.

Ask Allah for forgiveness and make strong intentions to never go back to the sin. This itself, stands like you never committed it in the first place.

Just like Imam Baqir (as) says:“One who repents from sin is like the one who has not sinned..” [Al‑Kulayni, al‑Kafi, kitab al‑‘iman wa al‑kufr, bab al‑Tawbah, hadith 10]

Therefore, my dear sister. Continue your journey with no fear of being rejected by Allah (az). Take hold of your affairs and stop any such relation with anyone. This itself will give you enough strength and self-dignity to stand up for yourself.

Hope this helps,