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aslam o alikum. i am 33 year old male. i am married since 11 years. i have two boys. i am very humble and soft person. i fully tried to say my all prayers. and wazifs. my wife is also 33 y old. i never beat her ever never say any harsh word to her but she have a very short temper and short mind.she always abuse my dad and mother both are retired and drawing their pension. my wife always abuse my parents and she never speak to them. and i just listen. she even not talk to my parents and also never do any type of work for them i live on the upper floor and my parents and my other brothers live on ground floor we are four brothers and i am eldest. she also abuse me every time i enter in home or leaving for my job. she always in fight mood. she did MA islamic studies but she is far away from Islam. if i try her to negotiate with quranic suras and hadith she do not understand. even she is now filling the mind of my childrens againt my parents. i love her and i want to live a happy and comfort life. i tried to find all possible facts that may be she love someone or other extramaterial affairs but nothing there even she does not go outside without me and does not stay at her parents house. she have no on phone male friend. she had only a lot of female friends. even when i am ill she did not take care of me. i am very fit in my all physically matters but she does not take care of my feelings. i am in great trouble tell me best and possible solution to solve the matter according to Quran and hadith. thanks


Assalamu Alaykum

Thank you for your question

it is important for husbands to be in charge of their families and make sure that every member of that family is at ease and comfort. But when the man himself is not at ease and peace, it can highly effect the entire family and that is how Allah (az) has placed a woman in his life, his wife, to bring that comfort and love to him. And the same goes for her. Just like the Holy Quran says in surah al-Rum:21:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ


And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect.

As you can see that Allah the Almighty has ordained affection and mercy. Hence, both should struggle And try their best to provide the other with the same.
In my humble opinion you can take the following steps:

1- Find out what bothers her other than the reasons you mentioned?! Like is she eating enough, sleep deprived? Over worked? Following children related issues on her own!? Or it can be that she is simply worried about someone who is dear to her. Like a family or friend who is going through a bad time. If you feel you have found out, then offer your help, preferably indirect and take it from there.

2- if you are sure that there is no such thing as no.1 then you must make a communication path between the two of you. When she is in a good mood and you’re able to speak to her, express yourself verbally and convey the message that you truly love her and want her to be calmer so that you can live a better life together especially as parents to the boys. If you’re unable to tell her this, you may want to find a way to get this message through to her so that she knows of your situation and concern. Because until she isn’t brought to realization you may not see the changes in her.

3- If you’re able to tackle no.1&2 above you will see the effect of it on the rest of the things like her behavior towards you and your family. If you feel she also hurts your parents directly then you may want to limit their meeting and make them fairly short to avoid painful encounters for the time being until she settles herself.

4- pray in plenty for help and strength from Allah (az). I’d suggest you select a dua from Sahifah al-Sajjadiyah (find link below) that best describes your situation and recite it with full understanding.

5- you can also seek some online help, or direct help for anger management. If she agrees, direct counseling will help her immensely.

InshaAllah all goes well.