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How can I get over past feeling I am not able to focus on my marriage . How to get over this

Q:

I broke up with a man.who was very abusive and toxic for me but i still i can’t get his feelings over my heart? I want to marry and start a halal relationship very soon with a man who wants to marry me but the feelings of first man are not leaving my heart, with these thoughts i am not able to focus on my marriage . How to get over this.

A:

Salaamun alaykum sister
Thank you for your question.
Human beings have two types of needs, physical needs like food, shelter, desires which we all tend to look after very well. But we also have spiritual needs whereby our soul needs to be looked after.
One of the foods that our soul needs is to have lawful relationships. Haram relationships and having lustful intentions towards the opposite sex has a very bad effect on the soul.
So firstly in your case, as you mentioned yourself that you had a haram relationship with the first man, as the name on it ‘haram’ you have to stay away from these kind of relationships unless there is an intention of getting married.
For the man that you have met now and want to get married, if you want to get married because you want to forget the previous relationship, then i donot think its fair on this man because you will ruin his life and your life as well. And if you really want to marry him then you should accept that what you had with the previous man was wrong and you will have to learn how to control yourself as shaytan is always ever ready to tempt us.
So it all depends on you. You have to make it clear for yourself as to what you are looking for in life, your purpose and priorities in life, and most importantly to constantly ask Allah(swt) for help, as He is our sole helper who can guide us and save us from the satanic temptations.

Regards
zahra Davdani.