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Haram relationships and Repentance.


Assalamualikum sheikh. Please help me sheikh with your advise. I’m in lot of depression and stress.

I met a girl in my workplace. She was a non Muslim then. We had a relationship for around 3 years before we broke up. After q. 1.5 year of our relation she reverted to Islam without informing her parents. Then we decided to talk to our parents. I took her to my home. She met my parents. My. Parents were not convinced but i convinced them somehow by giving the excuse of Islam. We decided to get married once she convinces her parents. But she couldn’t because of diff nationality and diff religion. But she promised me that even if they weren’t convinced she would convince her or get married to me without their permission. Because of Islam. But she kept delaying giving excuses of me not well settled and she not able to convince her parents etc. etc. She is 27 and I’m 24. We regularly had fights but never let go of each other. She used to sorry me. Or i used to sorry her. We did all kinds of haram together during this relationship. We had a big fight on last November 2018 and then i dint speak to her for around 1 weak out of anger even though she called me once or twice. Then later i called her and came to know she is going on vacation to her home country for 2 week. In this period of 2 week i dint speak to her in a regular manner because i was annoyed. I only. Used to reply her text in WhatsApp because i wanted her to realize her mistake. Because she dint give me time at the later part of the relation that’s the reason I was angry with her and dint speak to her. Anyways she comes back from her vacation and she is a completely changed woman. She doesn’t wanna talk to me properly or she lost all that care. She was completely different. I met her after 2 days she came back from vacation. I asked her lets forget everything and b normal. I begged her. I said sorry. I kept all of my izza but all she said was there was someone else in her life already. He was around 33 to 35 of age. I asked since when she said since this vacation which was a period of just 15 days. Which is. Not true. I cant believe that in a span of 15 days someone can be in another relation. Anyways ignoring the fact that she broke my heart that i still begged her that i can forgive you for what u did but please leave that guy right now and come back to me. She said she cant leave him as it will be an injustice with him. Because he took care of her when i wasn’t there in these 15 to 20 days. And then I wept and left. And then she kept calling me asking about me about my health but she never sounded that she wanted to be with me or leave the other guy. We ended everything on December 2018. I drank almost everyday from Dec to January in depression missing her. But Alhamdulillah from February 2019 Allah has given me hidayah. I kept watching Islamic videos and motivational videos of mufti Menk and other speakers and understood that i loved some one instead of loving Allah and i did lot of sins which Allah is washing away by giving me pain. Allah gives pain whom Allah loves so that the particular person starts remembering Him. And now alhamdulillah by Allah’s grace I pray 5 times a day. Remember Allah and keep my self away from any kind of sins. Now the problem is from February onward she keeps calling me again asking how I am and how my mom and family is Once in a week and tells me to meet her hangout with her sometimes that she misses me a lot. And i also kept answering her calls but I make sure that I don’t meet her anymore in person because she is a non mahram for me and its haram but the I receive her calls thinking that she might be in
trouble as well. Its been few months now she is calling me and trying to meet me as well. But I have understood that there is no khair in it. I have blocked her number. Now the problem is I keep getting flashback of her and her memories and miss her a lot and shaytans waswasa. I also feel that she might. BE in trouble and that’s  the reason I do wanna answer her but i control my nafs and try ignore. Everyday I think about her but pray to Allah to make forget about her. Its been almost 6 months i last spoke to her. She keeps calling me but as i mentioned earlier calls are blocked. I don’t want to marry her anymore and i have forgiven her but I don’t want to marry anyone else as well as long as I’m not involving my self in any haram act. The reason being I might be able to forgive her but no forget what she did. This is what I feel. I know this question is kind of lengthy and irrelevant but trust me your answer means a lot.
Help me shaykh.


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

Allah (s.w.t.) said:

“Tell the believing men to cast down their looks and guard their private parts, that is purer for them, surely Allah is well acquainted with what they do.” Sura Noor/30


  1. You mentioned that you have forgiven her but you can’t forget. But we should see what relation we have with Allah. If we broke Allah’s command and performed a greater sin such as fornication then will Allah forgive us without we repenting??
  2. Since beginning your relationship  had been haraam with the girl as there was no Nikah and the girl was your na Mahram.
  3. There are many ahadith regarding looking, touching, or speaking with a na mahram. I will quote some of them:

Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: “An unlawful look (at na-mahram) is an arrow from the arrows of Satan which is poisonous. He who abandons it for the sake of Allah, Almighty and Glorious, and not for something else, consequently, Allah will give him a Faith that he finds its pleasure (in his self).” (Man La Yahduruhul Faqih, vol. 4, p. 18)

Imam as-Sadiq (as) said: “The fornication of the eyes is the intercourse of unlawful (lustful) looks, the fornication of the lips is a forbidden kiss (of na-mahram), and the fornication of the hands is touching (hands or other limbs of a na-mahram), whether the response of the genital affirm it or disaffirms it .” (Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 559)

Imam al-Baqir (as) said: “The Holy Prophet (S) cursed the man who looks at the private part of a woman who is not lawful to him, and also the man proves treacherous to his religious brother’s wife, and also the man that people need his help (because of his position) but he asks for a bribe from them.” (Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 559)


  1. We are sinful and knowingly or unknowingly indulge in the sins which makes Allah(swt) unhappy but this doesn’t mean there is no way back. Allah(swt) has always opened His doors of repentance for us. So we can repent for what we have done. I will mention the conditions of a true repentance.

Conditions of a true repentance:

Some of the essentials and conditions for Tawbah(repentance) are:

  1. To remorse over the past.
  2. The resolution not to return to it ever.
  3. To return to creatures their (formerly usurped) rights so that you meet God Almighty in a state of purity in which no one has any claim against you.
  4. That you fulfill every duty that you neglected in order to satisfy your obligation in respect to it.
  5. That you attend to the flesh of your body that has grown on unlawful nourishment so that it melts away as a result of grief and mourning and your skin adheres to your bones, after which new flesh grows in its place.
  6. That you make your body taste the pain of obedience in the same way as it earlier tasted the pleasure of sins. When you have done these things then say Astaghfirul­lah!  [Nahj alBalagha, saying 417]

Imam Baqir (as):“One who repents from sin is like the one who has not sinned..” [AlKulayni, alKafi, kitab al‘iman wa alkufr, bab alTawbah, hadith 10]


I am happy that you realized what you have been doing is not what Allah(swt) wants and you want yourself to walk on the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.w) and His progeny.

In the beginning it would be hard as you already mentioned that the Satan would bring in waswas. Don’t care about the waswas of satan rather get closer to Allah(swt) by reciting Quran every day, praying 5 times a day and along with this asking help from Ahlul Bayt(as). Once you start reciting Qur’an, gradually start to read translation and try to contemplate. Allah(swt) has given us so many blessings, had it not been His blessings and mercies, we wouldn’t have been alive. We should thank Allah for everything He has given us.
Try to find a life partner so you can get out of this stage and the best to help you will be your parents.

Don’t feel depressed as the doors of Allah’s mercies are always open, rather do the true Tawbah(repentance) and never get back to your old routine. Let that girl know that you are not allowed to communicate. But I hope she isn’t pessimistic about Islam after seeing the behavior. Our behavior and Akhlaq should be very good so when the non-Muslims look at our behavior they should get closer and attracted towards Islam. (however, this does not mean you make contact with her again at all. as it will be haram).


Keep yourself busy in listening to Islamic lectures or reading Islamic books.

To read Islamic books you can use this authentic site

The practical way for a human being to stay away from sins are as follows:

  1. Having a strong connection with Allah swt and Masomeen (as).
  2. Learning and paying attention to the good effects of leaving sins and the bad effects of committing sins. I would highly recommend you to read the book “Greater sins” from the following links:

Greater sins volume 1:

Greater sins volume 2:

Greater sins volume 3:


Syed Haider