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worrying about marriage and future husband


Salaam i am 24 year old muslim female i am very frustrated and overthinking about negative stuff these days and struggling very hard to fight with my desires of all kind things that are haram to do . i have given up an hope of finding a good guy the one i deserve and i constantly think what if i got someone i dont deserve will i have to suffer for the rest of my life or take divorce to avoid suffering . i never enjoyed relationship like people are doing these days tried to stay within limits despite the facts i was proposed my many and had so many oppurtunities but holding on to my emotions and not fulfilling my wishes has made me very frustrated extremely unhappy i see girls and boys enjoy their life and relationships and i am so tired of being alone . i constantly think bad about future husband feel like i hate men for no reason apparently live with fear that i am not going to get good one . i never kissed a guy although i do have few male friends but as such i am not having any physcial interaction with them since so long when i was young i was so happy to believe that good women get good husbands in terms of character but now i have realized this is not true and opposite can happen and this makes me so happy i feel girls who already enjoyed relationships and had all the fun later they get good husbands more than they deserve whereas someone who missed out on all the haram fun are not going to.get any reward in this world . i pray five times virgin never been touched by guy in appropriately with consent i know i am not good muslims but i constantly think what it i get someone who is not gentlemen and already enjoyed relationships specially if he has been physical with any girl in past i would be very unappy to have such husband and whenever i will look at him i will feel i am the most unluckiest girl . what to do with such thinking ? Is it permissible to take divorce on finding your husband is zani ? Please help


Assalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for your question.

In my humble opinion you should first sort a few things in your mind before you make any marriage decision in your life.
Marriage is a very important milestone is ones life and it all begins with choosing the right person. A person just like yourself; who has willingly taken care of her chastity. If you base your spouse selection on Taqwa, i.e. a man who is God fearing, then you will see the fruits of this in your life and for generations to come. A man who is God fearing will always love his wife and will never cheat on her as this will be going against Allah. i’d suggest you read the following written on spouse selection.

Also, i feel your frustration and concern has driven you to make the conclusion that all girls who went against Islamic teaching had so much fun and are also married away happily. But first of, do not ever compare your inner life with someones outward life.How sure are you that the person you are specifically speaking of is really happy in her life? social media posts and the like are mostly to announce one is happy and successful while in reality one maybe really suffering. and we all know that no-one can always be happy. we all have our good days and bad days… so please don’t judge based on this.
another important thing is to remind oneself that it is Allah (az) that matters the most. Your success and failure should be based on this! How happy is He with you and how have you tried to get there.?! from your writing, despite having the grounds of committing indecency, you took care of your chastity. Hence, you’re quiet high. And for a person like yourself you must get someone as good as yourself. therefore, make dua that Allah sends someone He knows is the best for you.

Always remember that we should take all measures to strive for the best and then leave the rest in Allah’s capable hands inshaAllah.

Before i close, i’d like to mention that you should definitely pay grave attention to your spouse selection. The worries of  marrying a wrong man will fade away inshaAllah. As for divorce, this is a last Halal solution in a marriage with issues. However this is usually approached after the couple  have tried all other measures including counselling. let this not bother you at this point. InshaAllah all goes well and you find your better half as honest and decent just like yourself.

hope this was useful,