The World Federation One Stop Fiqh
Search
Menu

Ask an Alim

Father’s personality, either my way of the high way.

Q:

Salaams ,

Hope all well ?

I work for my father in a family business for about 10 years now. Unfortunately my dad and I do not have a good experience working together . They were times when he has blamed/ accused me for stealing, or at times used bad words on me, or got very angry about things which I hadn’t done wrong. Sometimes he would use foul language, not just on me but also on other workers here, due to all this, communication between us is not that good.  I avoid sharing or talking to him. We sit in a room and do not say a word, being scared of how he might react.

I am very thankful for him as well, because he got me married, got me a house to stay, He paid my kid’s school fees and many other things as well.

But often if I want to do something at my place, I have to consult him. Which sometimes brings conflict between me and my wife. Or sometimes he might do something at my place without informing me. Which many times is not fine with my wife.

And because we do not communicate well, it becomes difficult to talk to him and explain to him not to do it.

There are times when I have talked to him but he has reacted very furiously.

He is more of either my way or the highway.

I dont know to go about this.

Would appreciate it if you helped out.

Wassalam.

A:

Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your query.

Parents respect is essential and we must speak to them politely. Parents, on the other hand, must not interfere in the children’s matters unless required. But since he has spent everything for you such as he has given a house after you married, probably that is why he feels he can make decisions. You need to manage these conditions so that the reasons for parents’ distress and anger do not arise. In a place where a conversation is needed, speak very respectfully. If there is a need for intermediaries, you should involve them or consult with your mother before talking to your father. A mother can play an important role if your parents have a good relationship.  Don’t worry about accusations of stealing, etc. Provide evidence when required, and refrain from speaking or arguing when unnecessary. Remember, Allah (swt) is watching us and knows the truth.

Things cannot change overnight, it may take at least a few months but you have to move in the right direction. Sometimes, you can try giving him surprises while inviting him to your house. This may open some doors for you, so you can make a decision. At times, if it doesn’t go in your favour, you will need to have some patience.

Try to be friendly with your father, stay beside him, so he feels you are always there for him, and gradually you may notice some differences. On the other hand, you and your wife need to be on the same page; otherwise, conflicts may arise between you both. Therefore, establish a strong bond between yourselves to overcome and handle the situation.

Pray five times a day, and recite a lot of Salawat and Istighfar.

May Allah(swt) grant you success

Wassalam,

Syed Haider