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Do I have to tell my wife about my past.

Q:

Dear brother,

I was a gay before marriage. I married my wife to save myself and my family to lose respect and reputation. I married  my wife without tell her. Now this is my 5th year of marriage. And I have a daughter. And I din’t do that evil thing. But my wife still dosen’t know about that. Is this cheating . I have a fear in my heart. I want to know is my marriage valid According to Islam. Is Allah with me. I want a normal life with my family. Please help me. Please brother. I am dying everyday because of this fear. Help me.

A:

Salamun Alaykum

Thank you for your query.

You don’t need to tell her about your past but as you are feeling guilty this itself is a positive sign. You must repent if you haven’t repented and never repeat the sin again as you hadn’t indulged since you have married.

Having the fear is very good but informing her is not required which may bring problems in your marital life. If you haven’t repented and done the true tawbah then make sure you do it. I will mention some of the conditions of Tawbah here.

Some of the essentials and conditions for Tawbah are:

  1. To remorse over the past.
  2. The resolution not to return to it ever.
  3. To return to creatures their (formerly usurped) rights so that you meet God Almighty in a state of purity in which no one has any claim against you. 
  4. That you fulfill every duty that you neglected in order to satisfy your obligation in respect to it. 

I would recommend you to read about Sodomy from the book “Greater sins” which has been mentioned in detail on: www.al-islam.org/greater-sins-volume-1-sayyid-abdul-husayn-dastghaib-shirazi/eleventh-greater-sin-sodomy

The eleventh sin that is classified as a Greater sin is sodomy or homosexuality. This is verified from the sayings of Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (‘a) and Imam al-Ridha’ (‘a). In fact it is a sin greater than adultery. Its retribution and punishment are more severe than for adultery.

Allah(swt) forgives His servant if one does the true Tawbah and never gets back to it. Love your wife and daughter and ask the Almighty to bestow His mercies who has given you a daughter even after that heinous act.

As I said having fear is good but with the true repentance you can have hope and be sure that Allah has forgiven your sin.

Pray five times a day, recite Quran every day, recite Tasbeeh of استغفر الله ربی و اتوب الیه, and thank Allah(swt) for everything He has given you.

May Allah(swt) grant you success.

Wassalam,

Syed Haider