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Do I have to listen to my father about who to marry


Assalamualakium, I am a 23 year old man, my question is: what do I do when my father does not like the women I want to marry? The women I chose to marry is a good Muslim, shes kind and family oriented but my father does not like her because he thinks she looks older than me and she is dark skinned. He prefers that I marry someone within the family such as my cousin or one of our family friend’s daughter because they are fair skinned and look younger. The women I want to marry is younger then me however my father does not like her because of her appearance. We have wanted to get married for so long or even engagement but my father keeps refusing and i would really love to have my fathers blessing in marrying the women I prefer. We have lost my mother to cancer and he tells me he wants me to have a women just like my mother, who is fair skinned and looks young. I have never been the type of person who is selfish, i have taken great care of my parents. What can I do?


Wa Alaikum al-salam

Thank you for your question

  1. First of all, know that nothing works with being harsh to your father and it just gets worst (not to mention you will disrespect him as well by being rude to him)
  2. Talk to him, in a calm and logical environment and see his response to it. Bring the topic every now and then to persuade him.
  3. Alhamdu lillah you know the reason for Your fathers disagreement, you understand his point of view and you can start to fix the issue or justify him on the subject.
  4. Sometimes parent disagree because they don’t consider their child mature enough to think and decide on her own; in this case you must convince them otherwise.
  5. You might convince him by making him understand that there are different opinions and definitions about beauty, there are different priorities in marriage which is personal matter and differs from person to person.
  6. If necessary ask an elder one to speak to them on your behalf.
  7. Tell him about the importance of behavior, manners and religion in a marriage and the consequences of not marrying this girl
  8. Inform your parents that forced marriage is rejected.

    (5. the man and the woman must consent to the marriage. However, if they appear to disapprove but it is known that in their hearts they consent, the marriage contract is valid. See:


Sheikh Mahdi Mosayyebi