The World Federation One Stop Fiqh
Search
Menu

Ask an Alim

Dilemma between two proposals

Q:

Asalamualaikum!
I hope you’re doing well. I am in a dilemma on who to choose for marriage. On one side i have my cousin who i was in a relationship for 7 years and it wasn’t the sweetest times of my life. He had anger issues, he would abuse as well when i did something against his wish. When I couldn’t handle, i left him. He respects his parents a lot , i have seen him care for them. He even used to tell me to pray. Whenever we went out, he would always go to the mosque to pray. I was proposed by another boy who i know for almost two years now. He told me about his past life, where he was into adultery, zina, didn’t pray and had many girlfriends. We were working together where he noticed me.. i would go and pray in my break, I wouldn’t be friendly with him or anything like that. He approached me to marry him and i asked him to speak to my parents. His engagement was already fixed and he tried to break it as he didn’t find the qualities he wanted in a wife but nothing worked out. he got married to her and in 3 months they got divorced. He spoke to my mom and said i was a really bad person but i want to change.. i want to marry ur daughter so she helps me finding the right path. We are now engaged officially. He promised to me that he will change his ways but he talks about sex and what not.. iav stopped him and he stops for a while telling me that im trying only for u.. but when a few days pass, he would ask for pictures.. and say I can’t control.. i try my best to help him get over this but he can’t.. i have to remind him to pray all the time.. he tells me you have put too many restrictions on me.. etc on the other hand, my cousin contacts me even today to get back to him.. and tells me that he has changed and that he has always been loyal to me no matter what.. he tells me i will fix things.. he gives religious examples as how Allah forgave Karoon.. etc and that he deserves a chance.. he has always been religious.. but his anger was too much but now whenever he talks.. he cries.. all my cousins have also told me that he has changed.. on the other hand, the person i am engaged to, doesn’t take Interest in religion.. whenever i tell him to pray or do anything like that, he says marry me then u can kick me and ill go pray… for everything he says this.. my cousin isn’t liked by my mom.. because his mom has issues with my mom.. The person who i am with on the other hand does not live with his parents because he had a fight with them.. his mother hates me because she thinks that its because of me that he left his wife.. i really don’t know what is happening in my life… please help me with this problem.. my cousin even after a year cries to get me back.. the person i am with isn’t serious about his religion.. even his family hates me.. please help me! They both want to marry me.. and i dont know who to choose.. i know one from my childhood and personally for 8yrs now and the other for 2yrs almost.

A:

Wa alaykum salam

Dear sister,i think first you have to solve your problem with yourself.
Take a paper and a pen and note down the things you want and the things which are important for you. If you know your priorities in life,decision making will be easy for you.
I don’t want to impose my decision on you but as my priority is my religion, i would choose a partner who would help me practice my religion in a better way .The person who respects his parents and is careful about his religious duties,is of course a better choice as the one who fears Allah will always be careful not to purposely hurt others .
But as we all know human beings are not perfect and we all have flaws in our characters.A good person in Allah’s eyes is the who accepts his mistakes and tries to rectify them.
May Allah help you to make the best decision

Regards
Sukaina Taqawi.