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Dilemma about marrying a Shia guy, myself being a sunni muslim….


Assalam..o.alaikum..i was born in a sunni family…when i was 20 years old..i fell in love with a shia guy..but firstly i decided to understand shiaism…i was taught to respect ashaab e muhammad s.a.w.w.since when i was born..but in shiaism…khilafat was not admireable…my parents rebuked me for conversion into shiaism…i decided to learn from quran…when i opened Quran and read the translation of surah albaqarah…the 2nd surah of quran…it was writtrn that…one who changes his path will be put into heaven after the quran has come to them….it was also in the translation in surah baqarah that the people who dont believe the ayaat of quran…Allah and malaikaa will put laanat on him…i am in dilemma…i cant leave that guy…i cant leave shiaism..i cant leave my family too…i dont know…whether i was on right path or i am on right path now….people say that shias are kafirr….so if i have changed my path even after reading the quran…will i be punished by Allah????i am much confused about my aakhrat..i am stuck into a situation in which quran says one thing…and shiaism says another thing…isnt shiaism according to quran???plzzzzzz guide me


Wa-Alaykum As Salaam

Bismillah ArRahman ArRaheem

Thank you for your email and it is apparent that you are trying to seek the truth and to be on the right path.  There are many exegesis for the ayah
you are referring to, so it is important to read the one that suits your style of understanding.  However hard it may be, when some reality comes to us that is against what we have been taught all of our life, and have been led to believe, we must try to figure out where our understanding went wrong and to accept the Truth as it is, not as we would like it to be or as we have been taught by our loved ones.

That does not mean that we need to leave our family in order to follow the right path though.  We need to separate the three issues, as you have, and place them each in their own separate cloud thought and process them as they should be on their own merit.

For the purpose of this note we will assume “the guy” is your husband.

*First:  Your faith – * Do the research, read the books, listen to
lectures, both sides, and try to figure out which is the one that actually
makes sense.  Which is the one that holds more truth to it.  Obviously this
is not the right platform to try to point in the direction of who was right
or wrong, that is ultimately up to you.  If you have time, a really good
book that can help you is the following: Al-Muraja’at A Shi’i-Sunni
dialogue (also known as ‘The Right Path’) –

This will go through the arguments for and against and is a dialogue by two
prominent scholars of their times.

*Second: Your husband.*  There is no need to leave your husband, but he
should not be the reason you convert to, or remain a shia either.  Entering
Shia Islam is a conviction you must have and find.   Nor should he be the
reason you leave your family.  See the next point for more on that.

Your husband should be the one to support you, help you research, and
encourage you to build the bridges with your family.  All three can be
united in one sphere if one goes about it in a smart and logical manner.

*Third: Your family: *Also should not be left for any reason.  Islam
strongly suggests ALL ties be kept intact – this is called “Silat Al Rahm”
– and at the pinnacle of that command is your parents.  The Ayah 2:83,
which you would have read, commands you to do good (Ihsana) to your parents
– with out and constraint – and is right after the command “You shall not
serve any save God”.  In fact, this order is mentioned in the Holy Qur’an
five times, Serve only Allahï·» – be good to your parents!  The link is
clear, the command is very clear, that unless they order you to leave the
right path and the right religion, unless they command you to not serve
Allahï·», then you should otherwise be obedient to them.

These three topics are interrelated but independendent at the same time.

Choosing to be shia does not mean choosing to leave your family and
choosing to be sunni does not mean leaving your husband.  There is no
correlation there whatsoever.  At the same time, choosing to be Muslim has
responsibilities towards your husband, your family, and your faith, as well
as the opposing side of the faith (for example our Sunni brothers).

Here is some content for further reading:

This brings us to the next topic:

*Fourth: Respect: *Takfiri Islam has taken a grip on Muslims where as in
fact, only a few decades ago our prominent scholars would teach and be
taught by scholars of different schools of thought, and our best scholars
would have discussions with different denominations with out any one
calling each other “kaffirs” or sentencing them to torture by being chucked
in hell in the hereafter.  Yes, there are opposing views of history, and yes, they are important, and YES, you need to decide for yourself as this
is a very important topic, but, No – it does not mean that whoever is not
inline with your thoughts is immediately a kaffir!  Imam Ali peace be upon
him, famously says as quoted in Nahjul Al Balagha – If you are not my
brother in faith then you are my brother in humanity.

And our Imams have time and again shown us how we should respectfully
return kindness against those who accused them of many wrongs and thrown
abuse and allegations at them, because usually these people are not the
instigators, but rather, they have been misled themselves about the reality
of who the Imams are, and, as a flow on effect, what Shia is.

Here is one example of how the Imams, Peace Be Upon Them, behaved:

*Forbearance Of Imam Husayn (a.s)*
*Imam Husayn (a.s) was the epitome of forbearance and magnanimity. Most of
the people were astounded at his forbearance. One day a man asked his co-travelers about him, “Who is that wearing the turban of the Prophet,
dressed in his clothes and carrying his sword?” They replied, “Do you not
recognize him? He is the maternal grandson of the Messenger of Allah (S),
Husayn Ibn Ali (a.s).”*

*Hearing this, he began to abuse and malign the Imam. The Imam said, “O
dear man! If the wind of the deserts has created dryness in your head, stay
with us for some days so that we may have you cured. If your wife has
troubled you and you have come here after having a fight with her, take
some money from me and go and make up with her.” The companions of the Imam
were surprised at these gentle words. Some of them wanted to revenge that
behavior, but the Imam sternly advised against it and said, “We are the
mountains of forbearance and nothing can move us.” The man was very
regretful of his behavior and he begged the Imam’s pardon.*


*Finally – Shia Islam *is, by all accounts, an Islamic denomination.  That
is undisputed.  They are not kaffirs.

With regards to what “shia says is different to what the Holy Qur’an says”,
we would need more particular examples to discuss and guide – however,
please be sure to not confuse with what “people say shia Islam says” and
what “shia Islam actually says”.  They can be worlds apart.

We pray for you and for all of us to be guided to the Straight Path.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
“اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ ”
Guide us in the straight path.

S.L. Al-Hakim