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Daydreaming

Q:

Salam aleikoum I have a big problem I met a respectful man a month ago he has the niya to marry me inchallah. My issue is that I can not stop thinking of him all day long and daydreaming about me being with him I know that it’s not acceptable but I can’t help and it interferes with my everyday life I don’t do all the work I had to do because of thoses daydreams. Jazak Allah kheir

A:

Salaam sister. Thank you for your question. 

Daydreaming is a defensive mechanism which a person uses to counter or face his/her failures or wishes he/she could not attain in reality and turn them into pleasant thoughts through imagination and fantasizing.
One of the most important downsides of daydreaming which you must have experienced is that one gets detached from reality and cannot connect with his/her surrounding the way one is supposed to. Daydreaming can become harmful if its not controlled and becomes a habit where one cannot distinguish the reality from the fantasy. 

But if a person wills,he/she can control his thoughts as Allah has created humanbeings with free will . One can choose their actions according to what they will. Although they might have to face many obstacles in this way but if one strives, its possible to overcome all the obstacles.

My dear sister,as your problem is still  in its first stages,i dont think it will be very hard to overcome this problem especially when you are aware of the harm its doing to your life.

 1-  first and foremost you should ask Allah for help for He is the best of helpers and inshaAllah He will make the path easier.

 2- Try and keep yourself busy by doing useful things like reading,playing games,exercises,social activities..etc

3-  there maybe many times where you dont realize you are daydreaming but once you realise, donot continue and try and distract yourself like if you are in a room, come out of the room or you could go for a walk…

4-  one other thing you can do is solve it from the root. If its possible, maybe you could talk to the man indirectly and figure out what his real intentions are, so atleast you know where you stand.

If theres a will theres a way. In every step of the way remember Allah and ask His help. And  iam sure you will be able to get through this inshaAllah.

Zahra Davdani.