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Counsel: Want to get separated from my husband

Q:

Assalamu alaikum WA rehmatullahi WA barkatahu…. I am in a big trouble please guide me I am married since 15yrs I have 3kids from day one of our marriage my husbands behaviour towards me is not good he abuse me physically n mentally he doubts that I sleep with other guys he doubts I steal his money he doubts I mix sleeping pills in his food he doubts I am running my parents expenses Frm his money.he dnt want me to call him web he s out nnor he bothers to call n ask. After spending so many years with him I cudnt bare all this anymore n I committed suicide in December 2017 he doesn’t bother to take me to hospital my parents came they got me admit in hospital then the next day I gt discharged Frm there they took me back home here to my husbands place I begged my parents not to leave me here. Me n my husband staying in different rooms Frm past 16mnths now…..then one day he abused me again n I decided nt to leave this life anymore I went to my parents house I discussed this with my father but my mother dint agreed to get separate from my husband I stayed there for 3 months. No one came Frm my in laws house to ask one day my mama my moms brother called my mother in law to ask WATS the matter they told m not gud charactered she only left the house we dint ask her to leave then few people gathered from my side n his side n they asked him to tell WATS my mistakes are he said I ll keep her but on my conditions she should not go to her parents house. She should not use her phone. She should not go out anywhere and few more I told clearly that I don’t want to stay with him as I know he s a big liar no cnt trust him anymore …..he uses his phone to watch girls he’s interested in other girls he once told me I dnt want to see ur face he spit on my face he told he hates me now how can I stay wit him but forcelfully my parents n relatives lived me here…. Now again m living the same life I dnt love my husband nor he loves me I need a guidance n solution Wat should I do now he s my ready to take my n my kids responsibility if we stay separate Wat Islam says any it pls reply as soon as possible jazakallah

A:
Alaikum salam wa Rahmatullah. 
 
Life is not always a smooth sail. Every now and then we encounter difficult situations that cause loads of stress to us. Marital life is no exception. In fact during the course of your marriage you face many such situations that leave you in severe emotional turmoil like what you are facing.  Its very difficult but not the end of the world. You’ve got to realize why Allah brought you in this world and find your purpose.  It may be that you would bring your children so well that they will serve the community inshAllah.  Try to convince your husband to atleast pay for your childrens expences and be separated if things dont work out between you.
If you are convinced your husband hates you and it is impossible for his feelings to change, not to mention the constant abuse of all forms, there is no point in staying in the relationship. The hardest part is leaving. It seems terrifying or intimidating to start your life again, but you would have to do this sooner or later anyway. If you accept the loss now, you have a better chance of moving on and getting to a better place in your life not to mention the peace of mind in bringing up your children.  Right now all you can probably think about is the turmoil you are facing and this wilo affect how well you can be a good mother to your chidlren.
You should also know for a fact that you are not your own souls owner and infact it is Allah who owns us therefore we have no right to commit suicide. Your coming back to life after your attempt of suicide in none but a second chance that Allah has bestowed upon you. Dont take that for granted. Work hard to earn his pleasure by improving the quality of your life as well as your childrens.  With this endeavour in mind and through sincere reliance on Him who owns the kingdom of the heaven and the earth, you will surely see a clear way out. 
 
You can start by talking to some good and trustworthy people of the community also to help you deal with a husband whos not ready to provide real care for you and always abusive in every way.  Maybe they would know how to deal with that through talking to him and finding out the root problem and if things dont seem to work out, they will.suggest for a peaceful separation which would better both you and your chidlrens lives inshAllah. 
As for your parents, always keep in touch with them and honor them despite their not supporting you or not understanding your plight.  One day they might realise and it is only Allah who can make them do that. You should not leave praying hard for that too.
Islam says that when a suffocating situation in marriage arises between a man and woman who are married, such that both or one of them are abused to a point of no return or amicable solution to start afresh, then it is better for them to get a divorse or separation and Allah has promised ample of.sustenance to.them through His mercy and Grace so there is no point worrying about your sustanance. All you need to do is to struggle in whatever lawful way in Islam and leave the rest on the creator.  Time will heal everything inshAllah.
 
Salma Alavi