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Counsel: Married Life

Q:

Asslamolaikum, I am married since 5 years now. And i am not stable in my life as i am my husband’s second wife. We made this mutual decision for a life we wanted to start but i can see anything progressive in it. My husband is not stable financially nor emotionally now. He is been indulged in the haram activity of drinking. He doesn’t work to earn but always negotiate for a jackpot in his life. He doesn’t has a stable approach for anything in his life. I had a baby who died in an accident at 1.5 years of age. Afterthat he left and move to abroad. He is back in town since 1.5 years now but not working. He wants his mother and brother to invest for him to get a kick start in his business. I have been in a struggle of making myself grounded and liberal in this case. We’re on the edge of our lives now . I dont know what happens the next sec of my life. I am living with my mother after the death of my baby and still. He is not supporting my financially now emotionally. He chooses not to get interrupt in whatever he is doing. He wants nobody to ask or question him for anything. But when he comes to see me every thing becomes different as he suddenly becomes a good man by his behavior. I am so sick and tired of everything around. Now he submitted our passports to his younger brother as he is a govt officer for visas to move europe . I am scared of the whole scenario now. I dont know what will happen if i stay in this relationship. Whenever i decide to give up on him something happens and i dismiss . Please guide me well what should i do. I am facing alot of health issues now and i am not able to take this on my shoulders anymore. I wish he realize what he is doing to himself. I just pray he realizes . We have nothing in this relationship not emotional balance no care no concer no home no finance no children and no he himself. I am 27 years old now and i miss my baby so much . I want my life to start with him if he wants us together. He has no power of making a stable decision about us. I am just blank. Plz guide

A:
Waalaykum salam..
 
I am very sorry to hear about your sons death. may Allah bless you with air of patience over this great loss. 
 
It is hard to love the way you are. Looks like your huSband is living in a mind of his own and doesn’t like interruption..
You could reverse this if you got some professional help Into doing this. Ypu both need to see a counselor who can help you coach your feelings, actions and emotions together..if he is unwilling to do this, then maybe an influential elderly can help. 
Atleast your concerns should be conveyed to him. That way both you and him will be in peace and know where to begin. If he is an unstable man in making his decisions then maybe you’re just the right person to help him make one..
All you need to do is take the above steps and also make sure that you have good communication between the two of you. Be a good listener first and let him open up. Once he has laid down his concern, ypu can then slowly start putting in your thoughts and see how it goes from there..
 
I hope you have wonderful life..
In my prayers..
Naajiya.S.Jaffery