The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

Confused about marrying a person whom I love, but he does not agree..


Aoa …I am so confused
Me and a boy were in relation like a normal one without any bad intentions …
all of the sudden People around starts spreading rumors and about my past with adding spices to it …
He starts to doubt on me …
We were still normal
Then he said he wont marry me and cant marry me because his friends might say bad things about me and he wont be able to tolerate it …
He loved me but still he kept trying to say harsh things to me to make me hate him
But I really love him so I can never ever hate him even if he kills me … then I went to umrah and asked Allah to do what so ever is good for me ..
When I came back to Pakistan
He all of the sudden said that somehow his family knows my family and it was a coincidence and they want to come to our place with a proposal. …
I was so happy and excited
They came here and presented a marriage proposal for me … his whole family loved me so much and asked my parents to agree to it but still we did istikhara for it
3 times on a big Aalim n 3 times on my own
And the dream was super perfect
It means that he is the best for me …
Then all of the sudden he called me that he cannot do it and all of the sudden he again started to hate me I know he loves me but he just wanted me to hate him but I didn’t …
My father being the most strict person about these proposal things agreed to it
Everyone was so happy but all of the sudden he asked his parents to stop contacting us … yet the proposal was not done or confirmed … but only a single call was left but he did not let them contact us …
Then he blocked me …
I prayed whole night whole day
I did different wazifay
I did nawafil
I did tahajud
Everything I could …
And I did istikhara again and till now everytime I see a dream it is the best one and that dreams are always pointing towards that boy…
I am so confused
Allah wants this
Allah should a dreams that indicates that he is the best for me
He came back and said he loves me and want to marry me at any cost and proposed me again but after 3 days he said that there is a fight between his heart and his ego …
He says he is so confused …
N so am I
Because Allah wants this
Whenever I ask Allah about it
Allah always answers in the form of dream that shows diamonds ,hajj ,umrah, greenery ,rain water
He giving me the most beautiful dress for our wedding etc etc
But why is he not agreeing to it ?
I am so confused
Kindly answer my question and give me the best of advice how to convince him …
Or what else other than all these nawafil and wazaef can it do to make his mind and heart clear and agree to it …

Please reply

Its really important for me …


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

First of all the relation with the non-mahram is Haram.

Dear sister the dreams we see are not every time an indication from Allah or Allah wants us to do such and such thing, rather many times dreams could be what we mostly think about.

You said you had done Istikhara 3 times through scholars and 3 times yourself. We must know Istikhara is not to play with, instead it is a guidance when we need to seek, we do it and shouldn’t be done many times on one thing.

Regarding Istikhara for marriages, the scholars have the view to research first and then go for Istikhara.

Sometimes the person seems to be perfect but he or she is not perfect for us. So, we must not insist on the same thing. As you have mentioned the boy likes you and starts disliking you again. If this happens after you get married to him, how would you feel? These things should be cleared before marriage.

You can’t waste your life just waiting for one person who is confused. Get a definite and certain answer from his family and not just him as the boys and girls before marriage will definitely like each other as they are non-mahram and shaitan makes it attractive for the human being. So both families should be involved and discuss this matter and decide whether to marry or not to marry and this shouldn’t prolong due to thinking or fighting with the ego or interest..

We have namaz duas etc to ask something but not to force Allah(swt) to fulfill whatever we like. So keep praying and do Dua from your end and leave the rest on Him.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t pray nawafil or mustahab salat or recite Duas. These things should always be there with us and not just when we need anything we remember Him.

You had asked what wazaif could be done to make his mind and heart clear. This is not important to make others’ mind and heart clear rather what is important is that we remember Allah and leave everything on Him.

So, I would recommend that both families sit together and make a certain decision about this matter. You can pray to Allah(swt) that whatever has Khair and goodness in it, happens for you.

Recite tasbeeh of Istighfaar and salawat everyday as much as possible and ask Allah(swt) to help you in this cause.

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider