The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

Ask an Alim

My father is a very nice person but is often rude to others and talks about others very negatively.


My father is a very nice person. He takes care of others, provides for them but is often rude to others and talks about others very negatively. Even in politics is very rigid and will go to lengths to ridicule the opposite party and protect his own. I always want to advise him to be calmer and have a more open and receptive mind but we always end up arguing and he thinks I’m condescending. I cannot bear with it so I just agree with him or ignore it when he’s being rude to anyone or talking bad about someone. Basically if he doesn’t like someone, he will hate them. I know Islam asks us to not argue with our parents, so I keep quite. But it also burns me inside to see him being so negative about others as I want to see the best version of him there is, and I feel as if I’m the only person in the family who makes an effort to make sense to him but I think I have to back down as to not cause conflict. Kindly help me.


Waalykum salam 

Thank you for your Question.
Yes, Islam asks us to respect our Parents and be polite and soft when dealing with them.
But it also emphasis on How we should be able to help them when they go wrong.
You have been trying good.
I would suggest,
-When you’re trying to put a word across make sure you have a normal tone to your speech.
A different tone may ring different bells.
-Keep the same tone through out the talk so that it doesn’t provoke unnecessary argument between the two of you.
– If you have already argued several times over a same topic. It’s best to let it be until maybe some time later in life. Because the idea you’re trying to send across is already registered in his mind and he doesn’t want to comply with it. (It’s OK for this to happen. We should give him some room and  breathe and then maybe touch base once more)
– I don’t know how practical this can be in your house, it will highly depend on your Fathers temperament.
You can reverse one of his good actions and show him how others can think negative of it.
This may make him realize that he maybe doing the same!
I hope this helps.
Good luck
Kind regards,
Naajiya Jaffery.