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Possibility of Halal Relationship

Q:

Assalamu aleikum.

I have known a boy for a long time and he lives alone in my country while the rest of his family lives in his homecountry. after 3 months I told him to ask for my hand in marrage because I didn’t want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He told me he couldn’t ask for my hand without an appartment or a job. After 2 years he has still not found a job. Being together for so long had made us fall in sins without control and I always end up feeling bad about myself. If he comes and asks for my hand with out a job, my father will say no because he will think that he can’t take care of me. I don’t want to loose this boy and I want us to get married and he is working hard to find a job, but until he can come and ask for my hand,

is there a way to make your relationship halal, so we don’t commit sins?

I know mut’a needs parents premission but we can’t talk to my parent before he can ask for my hand.

Is there a way to make things halal between us just until we can get engaged and do aqd? Without parents premission?

I can’t stay away from him. I hope there’s a way and jazakum Allah bikheir

A:

Alaykum Salaam.

Please refer to Ayatollah Sistani’s “A Code of Practice for the Muslims
living in the West”

Maslas:

391. In marrying a virgin woman, whether Muslim or from Ahlul Kitāb, it is
necessary to get the consent of her father or paternal grandfather, if she
is not independent. However, it is precautionarily obligatory to seek their
consent [i.e., of the father or the paternal grandfather], even if she is
independent. Consent of the woman’s brother, mother, sister or other
relations is not required.

392. The consent of the father or the paternal grandfather to marry a
virgin woman, who is both adult and sensible, is not required [in the
following cases:

•if they stop her from marrying someone who is her equal in the eyes of
both shar’ia and common practice;

•if they completely withdraw from the involvement in her marriage;

•when it is not possible to get their consent because of their absence.

In these cases, she is permitted to marry, if she is in need of marriage.

393. The consent of the father or the paternal grandfather is not required
in the marriage of a non-virgin woman (that is, a girl who had previously
married and had sexual intercourse). But the case of the woman who had lost
her virginity because of fornication or another cause is like that of a
virgin.

After consulting many scholars on the issue we have come to the conclusion
that there is no way to make such a relationship “Halaal”, unless the
woman/girl seeks the permission of her father to proceed with the Mut’aa or
Nikaah and if it is not possible for her to approach her father directly,
she should seek the help of her mother or other people who would be able to
persuade the father for his consent in this matter.

Regards,

Mirza Noorul Hasan

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