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Can marry a Chinese girl, who has no proper knowledge about Islam …


Salam. I (31 years old) am Muslim from Asian Muslim country. I like a Chinese girl (27 years old) and she also likes me. We met each other in some non-muslim Asian countries for studies. I am not a good practising Muslim but I am Muslim Alhamdulillah, I consider Prophet Muhammad PBUH as a role model and Islam as the best system of life for myself and for the whole world. My friend and her family have no religion and she has not been taught about any religion before. She is traditionally educated Chinese but is very open-minded.

I gave dawa to my friend and tried to make her understand about Islam and its relationship with previous religions. Two (2) years have passed since I started a relationship with her, my intention was only to make her Muslim and if she wants I can make her my wife. As I am not good at practising Muslim and also due to the worse condition of Muslims (politically, economically, peacefully), I think she has not been much motivated to accept Islam.

Now she say that she believes in God, before she had no concept of God. In addition to this, she want to marry me and she wanted to accept Islam for marriage. She agrees with a few things in Islam and she does not agree with a few things, I do not know all differences and I could not mention all here what I know. But some of the major things she mentioned for marriage are:

1) She told me that she wants to accept Islam like some Chinese Muslims who are not strict in practising Islam, her Chinese friend is also married to a Chinese Muslim man but they have not done Nikah. So she wanted to marry without Nikah.
2) She told me that after marriage she will never fast in Ramadan, and I should not force her to fast.
3) She also told me that I will not force her to do daily prayers after marriage.
4) She told me that if we have children after marriage then we will not teach them Islam and children should decide about their religion when they become young.
5) She is not very happy about the freedom of women in Muslim countries.
6) She told me many times that there is too many cultural difference between China and Asian Muslim countries.
7) She does not want to live in any Muslim country. It’s Ok for me I can live in any country with her if we get married because I have no bounding in my own country and family.
8) sometimes she says that ”she does not believe in the hereafter because she does not have enough knowledge about it”. But recently she said that she knows if she believes in God then she has to believe in the hereafter.
9) Sometimes she says Islam should update itself with the modern world. She thinks the current downfall of Muslim countries is because of Islamic teachings. This means because of Islamic teachings muslims could not catch up with the modern world in economy, science and technology and development.

My experience says she is a nice, natural, good heart girl but due to living in China and her company she could not understand about reality of life, the world, God, the hereafter, Islam etc. Also, nobody has taught her so. She has been very busy with her research but she has tried to understand Islam after meeting me on the internet and without any scholar or proper dawah. I am also not a good practising Muslim and not well knowledgeable person but I tried my best. But I try to pray 5 times and believe in the Islamic social, political and economic system and world peace, universal brotherhood etc.

She wanted to marry me, recently she said twice that I am the best man for her in the world ;). Personally, I also wanted to marry her. Sometimes I think she is innocent and she will learn more about Islam with time but sometimes I think she is not accepting Islam from her heart and she only wants to accept Islam for marriage.

I have explained briefly about her and now I need your opinion on that should I marry her or not, keeping in mind my and her future life and hereafter?


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your query.

You cannot marry her until she accepts Islam. Her acceptance of Islam, as mentioned by you, should not be just for yourself. Rather, for Islam itself.

Further from your writing, we wonder what’s left of Islam if a Muslim does not want to pray, fast, do Hijab, recite Nikah for marriage, bring children up as Muslims, e.t.c.

As for yourself, any relationship with a non-mahram is Haram with lust and without any valid reason.

Below is from the site of Sayyid Sistani:

Question: Can I be in a friendly relationship with a girl in my class.

Answer: All kinds of relations with a non-mahram including joking, expressing mutual love, talking with the intention of deriving pleasure, looking at the body of a girl (except her face and hands up to the wrists) and at her hair or looking at her face with pleasure are Haram (forbidden). In fact, if it is feared that they might fall into a sin, it is forbidden for them to have any kind of relationship with eachh other.

If you marry her you have to be aware of future problems such as she doesn’t accept Hijab, she doesn’t like to pray or fast etc.

Islam is the best religion and not an old religion but rather the perfect religion that is for all times and ages, unlike other religions which are old and have no authenticity and have been changed. Islam fulfils the needs of a human being but other religions do not meet the need of the human nature and human being. So she needs to study more about Islam. As you have mentioned several times that you are not a practising Muslim, you may not be able to guide her further into Islam as you too will have to fill up your own gaps. Hence, you should try and become a practical Muslim by learning further about Islam and increasing your knowledge and eventually acting upon the teachings of Islam. That way, your chances of guiding a family, as the head of the family will be more effective and beneficial.

Women and Freedom

Like men, women have been created free and desire to live without the intrusion of others. The inclination for freedom is a natural and legitimate desire. However, can humans truly live independently and unassisted in a community?

Humans have a need for their fellow creatures. They must observe the rights and wants of others and must restrict their individual freedoms to the limits of societal laws. Such restrictions are not adverse to humans; they benefit humanity. Additionally, living in complete freedom and unquestionably following one’s carnal desires injures humankind. In such cases, restrictions must be endorsed since it is to everyone’s true advantage.

Even though Islam respects humanity’s right to freedom, it regards absolute freedom as neither possible nor compliant with humankind’s individual or social good. Hence, by observing the spiritual, material, worldly, otherworldly, individual, and social benefits of humans, Islam has decreed ordinances, laws, and responsibilities and has thus confined the freedom of humans. Some of these limiting rules and injunctions may not be pleasing to some people and they may regard them as obtrusive to their personal freedom. However, these assessments are an effect of shortfalls in correctly understanding one’s own true interests. If humans were fully aware of their true interests, they would not deem religious restrictions detrimental to their freedom and would willingly consent to these limitations.

Read this topic in detail on:

I will introduce some of the books for you to read and some of them for her to study about Islam. If she really researches Islam being neutral, she will wholeheartedly accept Islam and not just for marrying you, which would be even better.

I would highly recommend you to read the books regarding belief(Theology). One of the easiest books to understand will be:

Some links for her

An introduction to Islam:

A few words on knowing Allah:

You can ask her to watch “Towards Eternity” channel on youtube:

Regarding marrying you must think twice and keep everything in front of you and then decide because once you marry you can’t just divorce someone and get away. Keep all the things on the table and see how it will work if you marry her. Be neutral and think about it because for now, you are having feelings towards her and probably won’t at all see the negativity about the future having her as a life partner. Also, you should keep in mind if you are not a practising Muslim and the girl who wants to marry is already ready not to act on the Islamic wajib at such as Salat, Fast, Hijab etc. what if you gradually leave Islam or stop acting upon what all you are acting upon right now?

Allah blessed us by sending us to a Muslim family so we should try to act upon His commands so we can become better Muslims.

Start praying five times a day, recite Quran every day and remember Allah(swt) and leave indulging in Haram actions.

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider