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Brother misbehavior


I had been taking care of my brother for last 9 years (after my fathers death), his eduation and life. I (at 34) recently had got divorced and lost my work. My brother (25 year old) who was looking for job, got the job he wanted, and shared that he wants to get married to a girl he likes. We approved the decision, but, he has been rude and impatient about me going in string of problems. He sees me as a liability and cause for delay of his marriage, even tho its just been three months of decision. All his behavior has been hurtful which has caused me fall further in depression and feeling suffocated at home. Its just been two months of his job and he suddenly has changed so much. I don’t know what to do.


Salamun Alaykum

Thank you for your query.

There are different phases in one’s life. Sometimes we are happy and sometimes in grief. As your brother had fallen in love with someone whom he likes, it is understandable that such things will happen for which you have to show patience. This is natural if a person falls in love, either starts to move away from his old relations or the relationship decreases than before as this person has a new relationship in his life. In these cases, you can try to stay cool and calm and let things go smoothly as things will get better. At the end of the day, you are the only brother who helped for all those 9 years. Today or tomorrow, he will realize and appreciate your immense help.

Also, if you think the girl is appropriate for your brother and you are only the one to decide, then you can let them marry instead of having them Haram relationship before marriage. But if you think there is a particular reason that they shouldn’t marry at this point, then make your brother understand that it is for his goodness his marriage is being delayed and not because of your stubbornness.

On the other hand, keep yourself busy so you don’t have to involve in these matters and keep thinking about it, which releases depression hormones. Look for a new job and start working. If it takes time in finding a job, keep yourself busy in some other Halal activities where you don’t have enough time to feel depressed. The more you keep yourself busy, the better you will feel.

One of the other reasons for your depression seems to be your recent divorce. It eventually brings one in depression which you have to overcome and think about what to be done next. Maybe you also have to marry or look for the children if you had or similar things which cause stress. Consider all things and think which is creating the most disturbance. Prioritize them and try to remove the hurdles and causes of depression other than your brother’s issue and I am pretty sure it will help you In sha Allah. If your brother marries after some time you will see the old relationship between you and your brother rebuild and things would eventually solve.

Recite Quran and Duas every day. Start reciting the translation of Quran and you will feel better. Alongside, you can recite the Tasbeeh of Salawat or

يا رَئُوفُ يا رَحِيمُ

If you try the above-mentioned things and feel the intensity of depression decreasing, know that you are going in the right direction.

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider