The World Federation One Stop Fiqh

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Salam alaikum.. I have been suffering from religious OCD for 4 years( self diagnosed). It all started one day out of the blue while listening to a nauha…all kinds of bad sexual thoughts came drowning on me about imam Hussain as and shahzadi fatema zehra sa ….I was petrified…I didn’t know what to do…a moment ago I was crying for his tragedy..and now…what was happening…what was I thinking…thus began my dreaded journey of waswas from accursed Satan…I would constantly have bad vulgar abusive obscense thoughts about the sacred Ahlul Bayt AS…I was feeling lost hopeless extremely anxious…I started feeling that I must have committed some grave sin…I begged to Allah SWT for forgiveness…it was extremely depressing…plus I had to conceal my problem from my family coz no one would believe…I just could not get these thoughts out of my head…it was like living in hell..I prayed for death …being a 15-16 year old girl dat I was…. Prior to all this…I loved Islam Allah SWT and Ahlul Bayt AS sincerely…I still do from the bottom of my heart.. All this continued for 3 years…I still didn’t knew I was suffering from OCD Then during my 15th class…thoughts of kufr shirk…insulting sexual thoughts about God (nauzobillah) started coming to my mind…and till date I am suffering… The last one year…I have lost all hope…my thoughts reject each and every proof of the existence of Allah ..does not value Quran…I always have obscene thoughts..I am suffering… While praying…during imambargah…during sleep..while reading quran or listening to lectures……there is no rest from these kufr vulgar thoughts… Please someone please help me..I’m just new here…I stumbled upon this site one day while searching about my condition….I really don’t want to hate Islam.. I love Allah my lord . . But I feel like He is angry with me..I feel none of my duas are being accepted …I feel alone…full of anxiety and depression…and mostly away from Allah… please help me…I feel doomed… please help me please


Salaamun alaykum.

Thank you for your question.
Its so good that you are still concerned about your faith and that is a positive sign. Always keep on praying to Allah and dont lose hope in Him.
As for your question, it would be difficult to answer  in just a few lines. I would advise you to consult a RELIGOUS counsellor or an aalim to help you through your problem.
InshaAllah with Allahs help and a strong willpower, you will be able to get over your thoughts.
Zahra Davdani.