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Are my salah of 18 & half years valid for not knowing to do ghusl & forgetting to scrape my faraj walls of with dried discharge

Q:

Assalaamualaikum
Hi, I have been searching for the answer regarding my solat problem & I have not seen online articles about it. Closely related yes but not exact so I decided to ask.

You see, as a child, before puberty, once in a blue moon, I masturbated. I
did it approximately 3 times every year.
I was also attending religious school, but they did not mention anything about masturbation, so did my parents.

What 2 of them did mention was that if we have wet dreams & feel pleasure, we have to do ghusl & that everytime I istinja, I have to scrape dried discharge from my faraj walls.
I did not have wet dreams back then, & I had some pains in my vagina which made me think I did not have to scrape anything from my faraj walls due to the pain, thinking it will be forgiven. I did not think that masturbation until we feel pleasure require me to do ghusl. Neither did it cross my mind to ask Ustazah personally about them.

So I continued to perform my solat until after puberty up until 18 years old. Without doing ghusl after masturbation, I only did ghusl after my menses. I also did not scrape my faraj walls everytime I istinja, even when there was no more pain on my faraj, forgetting the one time reminder that my Ustazah made 2 years before I had my menses.

When I was 18 years old was when I started thinking about some of the final classes from my Ustazah, whereby she said we have to perform ghusl after wet dreams with pleasure, did I think about whether it is related. I started to have was-was a lot & started bathing upon every single type of sexual paranoia that I felt but later on I found out that only reaching climax did I have to do ghusl.

& I only recalled about the scraping of faraj walls last year, so I am wondering if all my solat have to be repeated since my menses at 12 years old up until last year? I am 32 this year so that makes 18 & a half years of solat altogether. I have istihadah blood just this month & I am going to test after every qada solat how long will my wudhu last until white discharge comes out. I am feeling tired, sad & frustrated if I have to repay everything back & that the reminders came only once or twice, 2 years before my menses & during my final year at madrasah which was at 17 years old. My parents only reminded to ghusl after menses, but they leave it to the school to remind & teach everything & after that is up to us to maintain our Islamic practices. I will get humiliated & scolded if I ask them about this question.

Please help, as I am afraid of the punishments of the grave & akhirah.

Best Regards
Stressed 65 84577945

A:

Wa alaykum Salam

Thank you for your question

It’s really nice to know that you give importance to your religious duties and you are worried about the the life after death.

If I have understood  your question well,you want to know what is the rule for  those salat and rituals performed at that time when you were ignorant about the rules of ghusle janabat.

First of all you have to make sure that the fluid discharged  at that time was the discharged after orgasm (mani).

According to Ayatollah Sistani :

As for the fluid that is discharged from the vagina when a woman engages in foreplay or imagines lustful thoughts and which is not enough to dirty other places [such as her clothing], it is pure and does not require ghusl to be performed and nor does it invalidate wuḍūʾ. However, if the discharged fluid is a lot – to the extent that it can be called an ‘ejaculation’ and it dirties clothing – then in case it is discharged when the woman reaches sexual climax and complete sexual satisfaction (orgasm), it is impure and causes janābah. In fact, even if it is not discharged at that moment, based on obligatory precaution it is impure and causes janābah. And whenever a woman doubts whether or not a discharge of fluid was to this extent, or she doubts whether or not fluid was discharged at all, performing ghusl is not obligatory on her and nor does it invalidate wuḍūʾ and ghusl.

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2162/

And if you are sure that the fluid was mani ,then according to Ayatollah Sistani  the salat performed in that state have to be repeated  (qaza) but there is no qaza for the saum fast).

Note;
Ruling 74. There is no istibrāʾ for women after urinating; if a woman sees fluid and doubts whether it is urine or not, it is pure and it does not invalidate her wuḍūʾ or ghusl

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2124/

regards
Sukaina Taqawi