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Are my feelings normal or am I suffering from something abnormal?


I am an 18 year old male doing my A levels, to summarize the whole situation, I really feel the need for a romantic partner.. first It was only an emotional need but lately I’ve also been feeling a strong physical need as well, since my body has matured..

I really feel the need for companionship, someone I can hold hands with, someone I can hug, someone I can talk to about stuff I cant tell anyone else.

Recently I cant even study properly, I keep thinking about how I wish I had a girl
(especially when there are attractive girls in class, I don’t look but still you can not look at someone’s face for an year straight if you have to interact with them daily)

I’ve been involving myself in a lot of activities to busy myself, gym in morning, calligraphy at noon, swimming at afternoon, academy at evening.
It still isn’t helping.

Also I feel the need to an extent that It hurts – literally.

It’s basically the same kind of emotional pain you feel in your chest when you’re extremely sad or depressed…

Whenever I think about this – wishing I was with someone, it literally hurts.
(The main reason I’m asking for help regarding this is because I’m pretty sure if that pain continues it can get unsafe, physically and mentally)

I’m an above average mature person, I know of all the responsibilities that come with a partner, but even after trying to convince myself I still want to be with someone..

I’ve never been in a haram relationship with a girl, I’ve never even interacted with anyone to the extent that I become attached to them,
I stay away from bad friends and have kept myself pure until now.
But I’m afraid I might fall into shaitaans trap one day because I’m extremely vulnerable to these feelings

I wish and pray that these feelings would disappear, at least for now so that I can function as a normal person until I’m ready for marriage.

Can I get some help regarding my situation.
I have a few questions:

Q1 – is a spouse/wife a NEED or a WANT?

Q2 – are my feelings normal or am I suffering from something abnormal?

Q3 – what should I do in my current situation?


As-salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

thanks for your question


it can be both, it differs from person to person. For those whose sexual desire could lead them to committing that which is haraam, it is obligatory to marry; for other bachelors it is mustahabb. So when spouse is a desire or want (as you asked) it is mustahabb to get married, but when spouse is need, it becomes obligatory to marry.


These feelings are normal considering your physical and emotional maturity.


Obviously The best and most effective solution is marriage, there might be other solutions as well but since this is a natural desire and need, fighting and stopping it is going to be hard; that is why other solutions are mostly temporary. Some of these solutions are:

  1. Staying busy
  2. Plan for your Sleep; go to bed when your tired to sleep immediately ; when you wake up leave your bed
  3. Use you leisure times correctly
  4. Exercise
  5. Try to stay away from sins:
    1. Controlling your senses from what is Haram (specially eyes and ears)
    2. Staying away from things that might tempts you to sin (like friends etc.)
    3. Fasting; fast is a good solution for controlling these feelings



Sheikh Mahdi Mosayyebi