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Am I wrong if I argue with My father about religion.



Thankfully I have a great father who cares and loves our family, but recently I have been at odds with him lately and I am not sure If I am doing anything wrong(I am 17 and he is 67). Generally, my father and I get along pretty well, but when it comes to religion we can get into heated arguments. My dad prays five times a day, fasts, and fulfills most of his religious obligations(for context, he moved to America at age 20 and lived here for 40 years. He was very religious when he was young but after moving here he lost his deen, a few years ago we as a family all started getting close to Allah and we all are now practicing Muslims). Our arguments generally are about if music is haram, if one can touch a non-marham, and other small things of that nature. I tell him that music is generally haram, that one cannot touch a non-marham but he doesn’t agree even though I show him ayats from the Quran and hadiths from the Prophet and the Imams(a.s). I respect his opinion, but other problems have risen from this.

When I was younger I would play volleyball all the time with my father in a mixed environment where both men and women would play together. I no longer feel comfortable playing in such an environment where both genders are mixing. Also when I was younger, we would go to the beach together as a family where there are many men and women who are almost naked swimming. I also don’t feel comfortable going in such an environment.

Here’s where the problem lies. If I tell my father that I don’t want to do these things because Islam and being pious, he would get angry at me and think that I am being extreme(that’s how he reacted the last time I said something similar). I recently told him that I no longer like playing volleyball, even though I do, just so he wouldn’t get angry that I don’t want to play since I am in a mixed environment.

Please tell me what to do. Am I wrong about these things? If I am please let me know. Also, to be fair, when arguing, I reacted with anger aswell. Thank you for taking the time to read my query and responding.


Wa Alaykumussalam

Thank you for your question

Question: What are the limits of obeying one’s parents?

Answer: The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:

The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak.

The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”

This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:

The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.

The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.

It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allah knows the best.

Parents’ obedience is must unless they ask the children to go against the commands of Allah swt. But if it causes annoyance or harm to the parents then obeying them in this matter will be wajib on you. If their opinion is out of sympathy and doesn’t cause annoyance or harm then it would not be problematic.

Therefore, in your case as your father is asking you to go against the commands of Allah (swt), so you can stand against it and act according to what Allah has commanded us. You can be nice with them while speaking and arguing about these sort of things. It would be difficult in the beginning but once he knows that you will be fulfilling your Islamic duties he may not argue much. Along with this, try to propagate what Islam says as there is a possibility he would listen and understand one day.

May Allah(swt) grant you success


Syed Haider